Okay, so my friend just killed herself, and don't get me wrong, I'm sad. Its just that, not as sad as I should be, or not as sad as I thought I would be.
Its like I knew she was headed for a shallow end, but when it actualy happened, I really wasn't that sad. I mean, I cried but, just not the way I thought I would have.
We have been like begging her to stop and reconsider, but when we found her underwater, it didn't really come as a shock.
I guess I just gave up. I don't know. But now I have to go to a councilor (sp) at school, but its not because I'm sad. It's because I'm not sad.
Everyone thinks that I had something to do with her suicide, and I didn't of course, but she was always more 'popualr' than me, though I didn't care, so they all thought I did it out of jelousy (sp).
God my school sucks. Now my parents are treating me like shit because they don't think I'm sad enough, and there actualy taking thoes idiots at school's side. This is basicly why I hate people. Well most people anyways. But whats a little strange, is that I never really am sad about death. When pets, or family dies, I'll mourn, but I won't break down from it. I guess I've seen a lot of death, that it doesn't pass me as something very desspresing.
So I dunno. I guess I was just one fucked up baby.